Staring outside my bedroom window, I was trying to believe
what had happened but it hadn’t sunken in yet, well at least not completely.
“Do you think he would want to see you waste your life like this?,” said Cheki,
she could tell I was not listening to her so, she got up from the sofa she was
sitting on, stood right in front of me, blocking the window and said “ Well do
you? Huh?”. “Just leave her alone, Cheki” said kezang as she pulled Cheki away,
“But Kezang she…”, “I know but not now, please Cheki”. Cheki muttered something
and stormed out of the room.
Cheki was my friend and she was just trying to help
and I wanted to thank her for what she was doing but I was not in the mood to
talk with anyone. “She’ll be back”, I murmured to myself, but Thinley? He’s not
coming back, he’s never coming back.
Tears filled my eyes again and rolled down my
already damp cheeks. “Stop it! You have to move on. I know it’s hard but life
goes on.” Kezang said, somewhat angrily. When I didn’t reply she came, put her
arms around me which made things worse and I cried out loud, trying hard to let
go of all the pain inside but I couldn’t.
“I’ll be fine. I just want to be alone for a while”.
She just gave a nod and left the room, closing the door behind her. The cold
December breeze swirled in the room; I got up, took out a hood from my
cupboard, and hid myself underneath the covers of my bed. It still had his
scent, Thinley’s cologne.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me Sonam,” Thinley
had said when we were out celebrating the first anniversary of our
relationship. “Never”, I said as I smiled.
(Photo Courtesy: Love quotes, Google) |
Thinley would always call me before I slept, and it
had become such a habit that I couldn’t sleep without hearing his voice. Hugging
the hood, I dialed his number; “Hi, I am currently busy so please leave a
message. I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Bye.”
“I don’t care how busy you are but just come back,
please. I promise I won’t nag you anymore and I’ll not make you wait for me
when we’re on dates. So, please Thinley, I’m begging you, please come back.” I
was hoping for the impossible but I still wanted to believe that he would call
me back.
“I love you, and I always will.”
His words kept ringing in my head and I cried each
time I remembered how he looked at me with his brown eyes, his crooked smile
and then his cold face in the hospital ward.
Everyone I knew wanted me to not think of him but I
was trying to remember everything because the memories were all that I had left
of him. If it slipped away then I probably would too.
I leaned towards the drawer that was beside my bed
and took out the scissors from the top drawer. “What is the use of me living if
you are not by my side,” I was about to slit my wrist but right then someone knocked
at the door, once, twice, ‘Come in, the doors unlocked.’ I shouted. The door
just creaked open, and that was all. “Kezang? Is that you?” no answer, but just
the rustling of the leaves outside.
I don’t know when but I fell asleep and the last
thing I remember was hearing Thinleys voice saying, “I love you, and I always
will.” When I got up in the morning, the room felt different, the windows were
all open (which I was sure I closed) and Thinleys favorite book “Paradise lost”
was on the table next to my bed which I’m sure Cheki threw in the dumpster.
I don’t know why but I wanted to believe that
Thinley had come back to me.
Source: Kinley Zepa (3rd Year, Eng-EVS)
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